the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
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