I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
