I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
