I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
