I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize