When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Everclear isn't food dammit
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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