I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
