I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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