He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
