I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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