if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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