i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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