Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
