He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
