party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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