the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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