In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
