dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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