she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
