This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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