You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
