I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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