after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
