OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Found your dick twin last night
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
