I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
