bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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