Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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