He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
