Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize