At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Is it penis luge time yet?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
