I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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