How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
