i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
as a side note pls kill me
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
