I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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