Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize