Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize
