would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
