Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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