i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
