Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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