it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
