The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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