eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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