i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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