its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
