i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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