Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
