Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
