I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
