she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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