I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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