Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
