I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
