rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Oh god it's open bar.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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