i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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