why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
