I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
