the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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