Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
