I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I wear drunk well.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
