strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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