dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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