i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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