You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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