My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
