Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize