the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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