she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
