I met the friendliest cop last night
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
