Just fell off a train. Bad.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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