How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
