I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
