Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
