is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
