we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
