But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
