my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
