I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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