Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
