I am puke
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
