take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
