I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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