never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
