So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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