You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize