i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
