I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
