my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
