I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
