11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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