i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
