Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I still have a little drunk in my system
How does one acquire holy water?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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