He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
