u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize