so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
