Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Less talking, more tequila
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
