at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
