I think i peed on brittanys purse
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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