Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
